The new year provides motivation to start things off on the right foot, or at least attempt to do so. Many people use the new year to make resolutions on how to better themselves. For separated and divorced parents, committing (and recommitting) to high standards of co-parenting behavior should be atop the list of New Year’s resolutions. Here are a few resolutions to keep in mind to help navigate your evolving family dynamic.
When in Doubt, Compromise
Learning to compromise with your co-parent is a skill that will carry both of you forward into the new year and beyond. Even if past discussions often dissolve into arguments, the new year can offer an opportunity to improve your skills.
This new year, resolve to keep arguments and disagreements with your co-parent to a minimum. If you are not in agreement with something your co-parent says, take a day to think about your response before sending it. In that response, address facts, not feelings. And keep your response focused on your children and the issue at hand. There is no need to rehash the past issues in your relationship when the decision is whether the child should play soccer or baseball.
Keep Each Other Informed
This year, resolve to communicate regularly with your co-parent about important issues relating to the children. These important issues may include matters relating to health, education, and the children’s overall welfare and well-being. Share information in a straightforward, neutral manner with the other parent and ask that they do the same in return. A shared calendar may also help parents keep track of important events going on in their children’s lives.
Demonstrate Respect for Your Co-parent
Whether you realize it or not, your children are watching you and how you act about their other parent. Even if you do not say the words, your body language may reflect disdain for the other parent. If your children observe your dislike for their other parent, they may feel they need to choose loving one parent over the other.
This year, resolve to take note of how you react towards the other parent and try to reframe your behavior if needed. Work with a therapist, read books on the topic or ask someone who knows you well for feedback.
Consider Parent Coordination Services
Personal resolutions offer a great framework for how to behave during the divorce process. But if your co-parent decides not to respect your decisions or chooses to make the process more difficult than need be, it may be time to look for other solutions.
Parent Coordinators offer their services to co-parents who are struggling to communicate and compromise on what is best for them and their families. If you and your ex-partner are failing to reach an agreement over the terms of your roles as co-parents, resolve to consider the ways Parent Coordination Services can help you and your ex-partner find common ground. In the new year, resolve to remember that you are not alone, and help is always available for those who are ready to seek it out.