The holidays are a special time, especially for children. But for many families, it means a deviation from the regular custodial schedule. While it can be a magical time of year, for children whose parents live apart, the holidays can also be incredibly stressful.
To help your family enjoy the holiday season, here are some co-parenting tips to keep in mind.
1. Don’t Wait to Make Arrangements: Create Holiday Schedules Early
Every year, you know when the winter holidays will fall. There is no reason to wait until one week before to start the discussion of the holiday schedule. Even if your Custody Order or Parenting Plan is clear, check in with the other parent to make sure you are both on the same page. If there is ambiguity or confusion in your Order or Parenting Plan, raise the issue early so you and your extended family can begin planning. If you cannot reach an agreement, consider mediation or Parent Coordination to resolve the dispute. Some courts also have special dockets assigned to resolve holiday disputes in active litigation cases.
It’s never too early to start discussing holiday schedules, even if you have a Custody Order or Parenting Plan in place.
Checking in with the other parent ahead of time ensures you’re both aligned, especially if your child is young and thrives on consistency, or if you have a teen balancing time with extended family and friends.
Addressing any ambiguities or concerns early allows everyone—parents, children, and extended family—to plan with peace of mind. If finding a solution is challenging, mediation or Parent Coordination can help reach a resolution.
Courts may also have dockets to handle active litigation cases that need holiday scheduling support. Planning now helps create a season focused on family, connection, and joy.
2. Try to see things from your children’s perspective
Splitting the Day
If you’re considering splitting time on the holiday itself, try to imagine it through your child’s eyes. Remember how much you enjoyed settling into the excitement of the day without interruptions? Children, especially younger ones, often feel similarly.
Moving between homes requires both physical and emotional effort: packing, driving, and mentally shifting to a new environment. Two celebrations—two meals, two family gatherings, and two sets of expectations—can leave them feeling overstimulated and exhausted.
If you do split the day, keep their limits in mind, and set reasonable expectations for their energy and emotions.
Alternating Holidays
While some parents choose to transition between homes on the actual day of the holiday, other parents decide to alternate the entire holiday annually.
If you alternate holidays, rest assured that it can be equally rewarding for children. They can look forward to special traditions with each parent, no matter which day the celebration falls on.
3. Consider Family Traditions and Meaningful Moments
When creating a holiday schedule, it’s important to think about how each side of the family celebrates. Perhaps one family has a cherished tradition that can be alternated each year, or maybe there’s a specific holiday that could be swapped to give each side a special experience with the children.
For families who travel to visit extended relatives, honoring these traditions can be particularly meaningful for the children.
If you share the actual day of the holiday, keep in mind the timing of family celebrations and times of worship. It is unavoidable that your children will miss some part of the celebrations, but hopefully, you and your extended family can accommodate so the children can attend the most important ones.
Try to focus on the time you do have with your children, instead of the things the children will miss.
Keeping the Holiday Magic for the Children ✨
As you plan your holiday schedule, remember that the magic of the season truly belongs to the children. Their joy, excitement, and sense of wonder come from feeling connected, secure, and loved.
By placing their needs and experiences at the center, you’re giving them the gift of a joyful holiday season—one that they’ll carry in their hearts for years to come.
If you need assistance changing your custody agreement before the holidays, contact our office! Wasserman White Family Law is here to help minimize your stress.